The Joy of Navy Paperwork

I quote a wise individual when saying "You can't do dick here on your first try". It sums it up quite nicely – you think you have all the forms and signatures and stamps and first borns you need and you are in the right building. Perhaps you even carry a faint smile on your face as you enter the office. Today, my friends, is the day you will beat the system.

And then the appointed individual tells you those are the wrong forms, someone else needs to sign them, they wanted your first born girl, not boy, and you need to go to another department which is only open on 9a-2p on Tuesdays. And its 2:05p on a Tuesday when they tell you this.

When you arrive at 9:03a the following Tuesday, Sailor Sally is taking her sweet time opening up the office and is telling all her co-workers about [enter: super d-u-m reality show here] from the night before. "It was crazy, ya'll! That guy from that one episode of that one show that lasted one year in 1996 was voted off!" She may glance at you once or twice while you wait, but otherwise she's on her own time. Finally she takes a look at the stuff and says their department can't do anything without a stamp from the original office you were at. "You need to go back to the other office, ma'am."

She delivers the news with an expression and tone that implies you are – quite simply – retarded.

The Okonomiyaki Experience (aka Okonomi-whodat?)

A couple weeks ago, Erik and I went to an okonomiyaki restaurant (pronounced oko-nomee-ahkee). Essentially it means "grill what you like". It's like a pancake batter with anything you want mixed in and then you grill it on your table. And it's not Aunt Jemima stuff: There are no blueberries or chocolate chips. Syrup and whip cream are but a dream.

Common items to mix in are cabbage, shrimp, corn, octopus, rib meat, etc. There is an exponential amount of combos displayed in the huge picture menu. It has about 20 pages, with a cartoon raccoon-dog to guide you along the way. A bit overwhelmed, I picked one that appears to be veggies and shrimp – it's just too hard to differentiate what type of meat you are getting from the small photos. Erik of course picks the one that appears to have the most amount of meat.

They heat up the grill on your table when you first sit down – by the time they bring your food in its little mixing bowl, the grill is hot and ready to go. Be careful. The grill is very hot. Like, "Umm, wow, I can't believe that small children eat at this restaurant" hot.

So you mix up your goo in its bowl and drop it on the grill. And then you wait. Once you have grilled it and flipped it and waited in anticipation, you find the pancake itself is just "okay." Nothing more, nothing less: Just okay. There aren't any seasonings in the batter or on the mix-ins so it's rather bland when you eat it as-is. That's why they give you a huge squeeze bottle of mayo and a box of fish flakes to sprinkle on top. The Japanese absolutely love mayonnaise, in a take-it-behind-the-school-and-get-it-pregnant kind of way. Erik and I found solace in a nearby jar of soy sauce that we used for dipping.

If visiting, be prepared to eat at an okonomiyaki joint with us. Not for the taste, but for the novelty...

Thoughts on Japan...

I am often asked about how life in Japan is going. Life in Japan is actually great – it's pretty neat to live in a different culture and the people are all nice. I can get over any of the oddball pet peeves because the experience in its totality makes up for inconveniences. Strolling through miles of "sakura" (cherry blossoms) on a spring day will enlighten the darkest of any. A couple fun points:

• Its fun to surprise the locals when they see a "gaijin" (foreigner) say something in Japanese. Actually, they are probably surprised because I am saying something totally off point (i.e. "Your melons are nice" instead of an intended "Nice to meet you").
• Bowing often (for hello, hi, thank you, nice to meet you, your welcome, bowing when you don't know why you are bowing) works out the lower back and preemptively targets any forming muffin top.
• Everyone in uniform is just plain cute – even the old dudes who carry the orange traffic signals. Sure, you probably moonlight by tweaking women's bums on crowded trains, but you sure do look cute in that little blue jumper number you've got on. And a reflective sash?! Piece de resistance!
• The use of cartoons and animated characters to explain everything is just plain endearing. There is nothing like a smiley aluminum can to remind you to recycle or a frowning barrel of oil to remind you to not light a cigarette nearby. All warnings should be delivered with a cartoon.
• The nearby lights of the tennis court and the repeated shouts of "hai!" are quite bright and loud at 10pm, yes, but the super watt 5000 bulbs make for good reading light while lying in bed.

Well, that's the start of a list that will grow over the next couple years. That's not to say I don't have pet peeves of living here, too, but that is for another list for another time. Overall, its gravy and I'm looking forward to learning more…