Cue: Theme Song from Jaws

Quotes

I was lying down with Landon during quiet time today and - once again - tried to get him chatting about what he wants to be when he grows up. It's a great conversation starter. Today, though, oh today ...

Me: You're so good with taking care of your doggies. How about a veterinarian? 

L: Well, when I grow bigger, I want to be a daddy. 

Me: That's so sweet, buddy. You'll be a big, strong, happy daddy. Do you want to be a pilot like your daddy?

L: Uuh, no 'cause I think that would make people miss me if I was a pilot. I thiiiink I want to come home and check [on] you guys and no one will miss me. 

I was stunned into a lack of response, obviously feeling verklempt. Landon just recently went through some sort of surge in his pragmatic speech development and conversational skills. It means he says a lot of cute and awesome things these days, but it also opens a window for his thoughts that once were dormant in everyday chit chat. It's an enormous leap to hear him go from his simple comments such as "This truck is blue!" to an insightful comment on our family's current dynamics. 

"Concerning the Lost Aviator"

The skipper of Erik's squadron forwarded along an email that was originally written to the skipper of the USS Carl Vinson this past week after two hornets crashed and the search ended for LT Nate Poloski, presuming him deceased after he could not be located. It was written so well and I thought it was such an amazing note to come from a virtual stranger.

~~~~~

From: Brian Blazevic
Sent: Sunday, September 14, 2014 10:03 PM
To: Raines, Kyle A. LCDR (CVN70)
Subject: Concerning the lost aviator

If there's any way possible, I'd like to get a brief message to the
commanding officer of the USS Carl Vinson. This may not be important in
the grand scheme of things, but it's important to me.

I'm a cab driver for Coronado Cab Company, and me and my co-workers
drive Vinson sailors every time the ship is in port. When we heard about
the loss of the two F18s, and the missing aviator, we talked about it on
the cab stands. We felt bad. One of our drivers has a daughter in the
Marines, and one driver is in the Naval Reserves.

We're just cab drivers, ordinary people living ordinary American lives,
and as such we normally take for granted the safety and security we
have. Those two things, safety and security, are the reason we can
normally be oblivious of world events, and just live our safe little
lives. But, with the loss of a brave pilot, it made us think for a
little while that our cocoon of safety is actually guaranteed by people
who volunteered to make sacrifices on our behalf. Sadly, somebody just
made the ultimate sacrifice -- for us. That means something. The loss
wasn't in vain. It wasn't just a workplace accident. It was a sacrifice
for others. I hope the family and people who knew the lost aviator fully
understand that. If the loss is felt by a taxi driver, I believe it's
felt by a lot of people in America.

The BBC News story paid more attention to the value of the jets, $57
million each, than the lost aviator. We have a budget of -- what? --
$3.9 trillion? No context even for the monetary angle. All of that hurts
because the largest news service on Earth is more interested in the cost
of the machines, with no context, than the person who gave his life for
others. Please remember that not everybody reads headlines at news
sites, shrugs, and moves on. Some of us know the meaning of what
happened. I wanted to read a profile of the aviator, where he's from,
why he decided to serve, and who he left behind -- but I got none of
that.

In Syria and Iraq and many other places in the world today, there are
thousands, probably millions, of refugees because they lack basic
security. They have no homes, no jobs, and are wondering if they will
survive until tomorrow. We don't have those problems here, because of
you. What's that really worth? Everything. I just wish somebody would
explain that to the media and Capitol Hill. I just wished the media
cared enough to tell the real story.

Thanks, everyone on the Vinson, for serving, and know that some ordinary
Americans who don't usually think about "the big picture" are thinking
about it now.

Thanks for serving.

Brian Blazevic
Ordinary American

Taxi driver

The Day I Walked to the Bridge

School started last week for the littles and that, of course, means a few hours for mommy to embrace some solitude. The one morning I dropped them off, I started walking on one of the paved trails popular in Anacortes which runs along the water. 

This is going to sound ultra cheesy and dramatic, but bear with me, please. I had tears in my eyes when my feet set foot on the bridge area of the trail. In the last few years of being these boys' momma, it was an unattainable part of the trail, a couple miles down from my starting point. There was somebody who always wanted out of the stroller or threw a snack overboard, or there was a nap time to keep in mind. I'm sure we could have made it, but it just wasn't a pleasurable experience. My kids have never been stroller bunnies and I never really conditioned them to be, anyways.

So when I breezily crossed the bridge the other day, I found my eyes watering because it was just so damn simple and joyful. 

Hanging on to Summer

Although the unofficial start of Fall has hit the calendar, it is still sunny and 75 here and preschool doesn't start until next week. Soooo that means there are still naked boys running around in the backyard here at the homestead. I sure do love a nice little toddler tush bounding through a sprinkler with giggles; who am I to deny them such boyhood adventures?

Hi.

Evolution of a Mood

As I was sitting in the hallway this evening - standing post by the time out spot to regulate escape efforts of my oldest offspring - I thought I'd take a picture. My plan is to capture a variety of moments in Erik's absence so I can make little videos that share the minor detail and stories that make up our everyday lives while he is away. Sure, I have a billion photos of milestones and cute patootie moments, but I like the real stuff, too. Because, girlfriend, shit is real. Nawmean?

The littlest tush in the house is pretty in tune with moods; very perceptive for a two year old. As he passes by my grumpy self in the hallway this evening, he comes on up and says "Kay, mommy?" with his head perched to the side like an inquiring puppy. Before I can respond, he topples onto me for a squeeze while proclaiming, "Big! Huuuuug!" 

I can't seem to get the positive parenting thing right for both kids on the same day, but one of them will usually pull through with something amazing like that. Thanks, little buddies!

Quotes

[Scene: On a family hike through one of the local trails. I'm trying to engage Landon in the "What do you want to be when you grow up?" conversation and he's not really sure how to answer it. I describe the duties of a park ranger since he likes the woods and hiking so much.]

Me: So maybe you can be a park ranger when you grow up...?

L: Uhh, no. I think I just want to be the guy that just walks in the woods.

I don't think this a funny quote or anything; for some reason it just replayed in my mind for a while. It was such an uncomplicated response and I guess it appealed to a sense of simplicity that I sometimes covet. Wouldn't we all just like to be the one on a walk in the woods with nothing to do? (You'll have to wait for retirement, buddy.)

"A" for Effort

For as much as we prepared for this deployment, I don't know if it made our goodbyes any less emotional. Perhaps less stressful, but no less emotional.

The boys don't know any difference from 10 days to 10 weeks to 10 months so they just think Daddy is gone again for a little bit. I was still crying in the car after we dropped off Erik and Landon said, "It's okay. Stop crying. Is it time for pancakes?" Alas, the thought process of a pint sized human won out. And so I dried my tears and off we went to the breakfast joint to get some pancakes. By the time we were cleaning up our sticky syrup hands, it was time to head home and resume life as normal. 

I will say one of the positives from this experience has been the increased communication and effort that has gone into our marriage and parenting. Erik and I went on more dates than usual this summer to connect, knowing our time was limited. Even the other night when we were slightly annoyed with each other due to underlying exhaustion and inevitable stress, our fingers still found a way to twine together and we held hands as we fell asleep - a tacit apology for short tempers. Admittedly, I can't say that would have happened if it was any old week or any old month. 

Although Navy life can test the patience of a marriage perhaps more than average, it is my belief that it offers more opportunities to strengthen relationships. And here may I present, "A Summer of Selfies"...

Good Enough

Of all the parenting advice across all the lands, I think the one that I always come back to is, "You don't have to be the best mom, you just have to be good enough."

Things have been hectic around here as we prepare for Erik's departure and one of the greatest joys of the boys' week was eating IN the actual McDonald's establishment one evening while Dad was at work. Because as Landon put it so succinctly, "I don't want a nugget out of the window." Drive thru's are for the low folks, apparently. This kid prefers his nuggets served on a tray with a smile aaaaand I'm pretty sure the happy meal toy display in the lobby doesn't hurt, either. 

So! There you have it. I serve my kids McDonalds more than they should probably eat it. If you know me or read the blog, you know I'm rather unapologetic in my love for fast food so this should come as no surprise. But! They eat fruits and veggies at home and get a clean bill of health from the doctor. That makes me a good enough mom for now.