Soooo... I'm not quite sure where to start as we look to pick up the pieces here in the New Year. As many know, my mom passed away early in the morning on December 10th with my brother and my dad by her side. Erik, Landon and I arrived later that evening. My mom did not have a chance to officially meet Landon, but they did have some Skype (video chat) dates and the last time we talked to her on the phone, she was singing him lullabies. I feel very blessed to have such a precious memory.
On the other end of the emotional spectrum, we got to share little Landon with our family and friends. I could make some inane comment about the circle of life or something like that, but I will just leave it as simple as he was a wonderful light. I don't expect him to replace the sadness we all feel, but his smile and coos are certainly top notch for diffusing heavy moments.
I will leave this post with the eulogy my brother James wrote for my mom and then I will move on to more joyous moments such as Landon's first Christmas in posts to come.
In a world which is often too serious, where people too often take themselves far too seriously, free spirits like my Mother are invaluable. They grab us and shake us out of our sacred, mundane comfort zones, to show us what we are missing. They show us that life does not have to revolve around a schedule; that it is ok to let loose every once in a while and take chances. They show us that a little charisma never hurt anyone, whether it is a ferocity in pursuing or protecting your beliefs; a warm hug when someone really, really needs it; or a certain panache in your expression, to make yourself heard. They teach us to not take any of it too seriously, not with all the fun to be had in the world.
This exuberance and care-free attitude was especially important to me growing up, as I was quite the opposite during particular phases of my adolescence. I do not know what the deal was, but I had a mustache by the age of 9, so yeah -- I was quite an awkward little boy. I also became awkward socially, and began making a point to avoid social activities (and people in general). The experience made me one of those uptight individuals, in what I saw as an uptight world.
I am telling you, folks, it could not have worked out any better that the Queen of Cool, the Queen of Silly, the Queen of Warm Smiles and Hugs -- Barbara (Lolly or Babs to many), was my Mother through all of it. I fear how horrible things could have gone for me if I didn’t have someone to: a.) Love me through it all. No matter how ugly or awkward I was. Best hugs ever. They will be missed; and b.) teach me to not take any of it too seriously, and how to blow things off in order to focus on what is really important -- family and friends, the here and now, and truly enjoying oneself regardless of what others think of it.
It is not until many years later, looking at all of this from a whole new perspective, that we see these things -- how certain people affect our lives, how their actions and examples live on in us. I know what a bright smile, warm greeting, and strong hug will do to wash away a bad day, because of my Mother. I know what it means to laugh, FULLY, because of my Mother. I swear, watching and listening to some people, it was like were never taught. One opportunity to hear my Mother woop it up, and you had a new capacity for laughter, enjoyment, letting go. Looking back, I can say that I have the capacity to love and to enjoy life because of my Mother’s example, and I am very thankful for that.
I would do anything to have my Mother here longer, but I am not surprised her candle burnt out so soon. She was just that bright a flame in her lifetime. She was a Loving Mother and an amazing person, and I love her very much for it.
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