I have a few moments until baby wakes up so I thought I'd surface and
tread water to share our thoughts on becoming a family of four over the last month. I'm
still in the "Holy crap, what have we done?" phase and I do want to
share truthfully about the experience because it isn't really roses and
sunshine for me quite yet. I forgot how much hard work a newborn is and
that there is really no instant gratification at this stage since there
are no smiles or answered hugs. So I keep on keepin' on given that I see
how much fun Landon is and I know he started in the same place.
To top it off, my baby blues are persistent, especially after a battle with mastitis in both boobies. The infection was quick and painful and tested my resolve. Tears were shed, stress was had, friends were leaned upon. We have moved on and we don't dare mutter the phrase "clogged ducts" in this house unless you want me to freeze like a deer in headlights.
The hardest part is that my emotions range wildly from feeling like I'm "cheating" on one child when I'm with another to being upset with one child when they don't give me time to be with the other. I'm learning to deal with the sound of one always whining or crying in the background; it's not pleasant but part of survival mode.
Alas, I must say there are moments of joy when the stars align and naps are taken at the same time or when baby plays happily while Landon and I read books. The moments are sparse but do exist and I look forward to more. And in my heart, I do know there will be more so that is what keeps me going on three hours a sleep a night. That, and a supportive hubby and dear friends.
I will surface again soon. Back to the abyss for now...
To top it off, my baby blues are persistent, especially after a battle with mastitis in both boobies. The infection was quick and painful and tested my resolve. Tears were shed, stress was had, friends were leaned upon. We have moved on and we don't dare mutter the phrase "clogged ducts" in this house unless you want me to freeze like a deer in headlights.
The hardest part is that my emotions range wildly from feeling like I'm "cheating" on one child when I'm with another to being upset with one child when they don't give me time to be with the other. I'm learning to deal with the sound of one always whining or crying in the background; it's not pleasant but part of survival mode.
Alas, I must say there are moments of joy when the stars align and naps are taken at the same time or when baby plays happily while Landon and I read books. The moments are sparse but do exist and I look forward to more. And in my heart, I do know there will be more so that is what keeps me going on three hours a sleep a night. That, and a supportive hubby and dear friends.
I will surface again soon. Back to the abyss for now...
3 comments:
Thank you for sharing! I've had a couple run-ins with the dreaded M, and I feel ya. One "trick" I learned was running a disposable diaper under hot water and then on your chest... No drips and ahhh, better! Also, I feel like I'm cheating on my one child when I try and read a book and I think, maybe I should be playing with her instead? You're doing a great job! Take care!!
Love how truthful and honest you are about motherhood. For one trying to become one, it's more encouraging to hear both realistic and happy parts of it. Sending hugs to all of you!
Angelica - I felt the "cheating" feeling was always present with just Landon, too. I'd feel guilty if he was playing independently for too long. To this day, I'm convinced he's slower on verbal abilities because I don't interact with him enough, even though I know at my core it isn't really the case. Agh, the onus we put on ourselves as mothers :o/.
Gizelle - You'll love every minute of it. Every poop-filled tantrum-filled minute of it. Don't ever doubt it.
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