Butt Taps

It happened: I spanked Landon yesterday. Momma's hand + toddler butt + a swat. I'll wait here for a moment while you silently judge me. [Enter: elevator Muzak, possibly of "The Hustle" variety.]

The transgression was in the form of hitting baby brother on head with toys after no nos, time outs, laughing at mom while in time out, rinse, repeat. I assure you that there are few things in life more frustrating than when your child is laughing about his discipline. Did it work? Well it got through to him. But the look on his face was heartbreaking and I immediately regretted it. I regretted that it worked (he didn't bonk his brother on the head anymore that night, at least), and I regretted that I didn't have a parenting or coping skill in my bucket of tricks at that point.*

So I'm sure plenty of parents have spanked a child a hundred times before this point and there are parents that wouldn't consider spanking their child in a hundred years. Where I fall on the bell curve of spanking, who knows. I'd like to think I'm a outlier on the left side.

So will I spank again? I hope not. The guilt was very hard to handle all night, regardless that Landon hugged me and said he loved me as he went to bed. I kept checking his bum for a red spot later. My induction to spanking made me realize that I quite plainly just didn't know how to spank. I was spanked growing up but apparently being a spankee does not translate into being a spanker.

So that whole "keeping it cool" resolution I had for the year isn't going that great. The fast food reduction isn't going well, either. Blerghy blergh blergh. My new personal remediation is to tether the goals together. If I raise my voice unnecessarily in relation to a situation (or spank at all, regardless of infraction), I have to make one less trip to a drive thru. Once you start removing my cheeseburger fix or Starbucks hot chocolate and berry cake, I really have to think things through.**

*I later come across this article among many others in my guilt-induced research: Alternatives to Spanking
**I'm being serious.