I have two main goals for this New Year. Writing them down will hold me to some accountability so here it goes. The main resolutions I'd like to focus on for 2013 are this:
(1) Eat less fast food. I currently pull up to a drive through about 3-4 times a week. I love fast food and make no excuses for it. It's consistent, it tastes good, it's value-priced and it is convenient. I order small meal deals or kids meals most of the times for portion control, so my goal is not necessarily a quest to reduce calories in the New Year. In fact I weigh less now than I did my senior year of high school (but boy oh boy it does NOT look the same). My goal is to seek out healthier calories. This week I was good about packing some PB&Js with me in the car to nosh on while running errands. I also got me a blender and I'm going to work on some smoothie goodness.
(2) The more dubious of the resolutions is don't let my temper get the better of me. On most days, I pride myself on being a pretty even keeled person. I avoid drama and make efforts to be congenial in everyday life, such as trying to make the Safeway cashier smile or letting someone know their new haircut looks great. If someone cuts me off while I'm driving, I think "Hmm, he must be racing to visit his Grandma at the hospital." It takes energy to be negative. Choose happiness, right?
But this self pleasantry gets tested often within the household walls. And sometimes I lose my shit. Like, holy crap, what can I do, I'm shaking with rage kind of shit. Can you believe little ol' me split the bedroom door cause I was so frustrated and I wanted to kick something? I'm in a healthy place where I can control my physical energy with the kids, but I do raise my voice with Landon and that is what I want to control. I firmly believe that kids need a stern voice once in a while to keep them disciplined, but I hate when I am shouting. It means I've lost control of the situation. If I can muster pleasantries for strangers, then I owe it to myself and my kids to muster good graces in our home.
So. I will work on taking a couple deep breaths and asking myself which battles are worth fighting. And it's also about me asking Erik for help and being more insistent about needing a break. Wish me luck on the journey. I think it may involve some solo mommy drives to McDonald's... oh, wait. Crap.
3 comments:
I feel you on you. many days, i have no patience and i can't stand it. somedays i find myself apologizing to my kiddos several times. thankfully, they love me no matter how crazy i can be.
being at home with kids is not easy, i don't care what anyone ever says about it. somedays i'm so emotionally drained & still in my sweats at 530pm that i seriously just cry...kids and husband all watching me.... this is a therapy session right??? maybe i should stop.
haha!!!! i typed "i feel on you". clearly, i do NOT feel ON you. I have a baby in my lap....i'll stop typing now.
Thank you for sharing! Sometimes I'm wondering if I'm the only one who feels this way. I know everyone says parenting is hard, but sometimes I'm wondering is it supposed to be *this* hard. I guess the answer yes. Until then, there are Old Navy fleeces and non-yoga yoga pants to keep us comfy in the process :o).
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